It's Me.

Who was the last person you offended?
Submitted by May.

My wife Nancy. 
As we were talking on the phone yesterday, I moronically offered to make a call to set something or other up.  Offering  was not moronific - just the actual stated offer.   Sometimes words come out of my mouth meant in the most nicest, loving, and helpful way; the verbal diarrhea issuing forth - not so much.    What Dan should have said:  "Sure!  I'll call so-and-so about the thing when we finish talking."        The statement "When you go away, I'll call so-and-so..." were the actual words.    
Ack.
I love you sweetheart.  Honest.  No.  Really.

P.S.  Speaking of offending (but using her powers for good - not evil,) ask Nancy to tell the story about running into an ex at her favorite hangout.  More specifically, the girl on his arm...

"The sky broke like an egg into full sunset and the water caught fire." -- Pamela Hansford Johnson
Show us a self-taken picture of the sunset.
Submitted by Connie.

Avalon Sunset

                    Avalon Reef Club, Isla Mujeres - March 2007
                            (banner picture was taken from the end of that dock)

Ever heard the Yiddish proverb "Man makes plans, God laughs"? 

Continental Airlines did NOT have a great start to the week. 

Here was part one of my plan...

Nancy and Donna are two peas in a pod - best friends for a dozen years.  And have taken over 20 vacations together.  Two other friends of theirs had planned to be in Cozumel March 14-21.  So I contacted Donna back in November to plan a trip for the two of them to catch up with the other two that week.  I'd produce Nancy's trip as a birthday present on December 23rd.  It was over our anniversary on 17 March.  Small sacrifice on my part to get the two of them off on another adventure, catching up with Shelly and Carrie.   That part worked well.  They're off, having fun - I'm in charge of not burning down the house.  Little did Nancy know that I was going to appear at the pool on our anniversary to ask her out to dinner.  And so begins

Part Two Of My Plan...

Using airline points, I get a flight booked on the 17th - returning the 18th - with Continental Airlines.  I'll get there by 10:30, pick up my rental car, check in at my cute little 17 room Palma Dorada Hotel downtown, pick up a bouquet of flowers to present to Nancy when I show up at their resort to ask her to dinner.  Easy enough.  I can't wait to see her face!
So there I was, pre-pre-dawn on Monday.  Up at 2:30 to shower, load up, and get to the parking ramp to catch a shuttle to the airport in time for the ticket counter opening at 4am for my 5:20 flight to Houston.  Not too bad - no spring breakers whooping it up in line.  Continental decides to deice the plane - twice - after waiting 20 minutes from the 'push-back' from the gate.  Now it's after 6am.  My connection is at 9:05.  I was told by Continental that a 45 minute window to catch my connection was plenty.  Plenty wrong is how it ended up.  After bouncing through turbulence for a couple of hours, we land at George Bush (which should have been red flag #1) International Airport with 15 minutes to spare before my connection.  But wait - "Ladies and gentlemen, we'll need a couple of minutes before the plane at our gate backs out of our way, please remain seated, bla bla bla..."  Now it's 9:00.  And the nice flight attendant says not to worry - don't take it for granted I've missed the connection, maybe they're delayed too.
Nope.

I Get off the plane at Terminal A - to find out the connection is leaving in two minutes at Gate Echo 5 (cute).  So I take off, doing the OJ thing (original reference, not the glove one) trying to get through the crowd to the tram that will take me to Terminal E.  It's amazing how long "train arriving in 90 seconds... 60 seconds.. can take.   I get off the train with directions to E5 - at the absolute opposite end of the terminal.  I have no need to exaggerate - the story is plenty long already.  It was the last gate on the right.  Which I ran the entire way to.  And I haven't run in years.  Only to find a dark, lonely, empty gate.  Now what?  I'm only 1100 miles from home, and 900 miles short of the mark.  I walk back to where the nice lady at Echo 3 said I'd find the Continental Customer Service desk. 
HelloIjustmissedmyconnectiontoCozumelbecausetheplanefromMinneapoliswaslateandIreallyneedtogetthereit'sreallyimportant, I blurt, out of breath. When'sthenextflightIcancatchtogetmethere?  I'm nearly passing out now, and REALLY worried.  She tells me in the nicest possible way that their only other flight is at noon and it's booked.  Sorry.  Any other  airline  you can put me on?   Nope. 
Mentally rubbing my WWND bracelet (she's really good at this sort of thing - the problem solver of the family) I -having caught my breath - ask if there's anything heading to Cancun.  Figuring I can fly there, and take a 50 dollar cab ride south to Playa - putting me a 45 minute ferry ride away from pulling off my stunt.  What luck!  There's a flight at 10:40, and there's a seat!  Now I'm doing a mental Snoopy dance.  Because I now not only have time to sit and relax before the flight, I can stop sweating and catch my breath too.  So I sit down with my Radiohead-laden iPod.  I figure I'll let Donna know (she was in on it - I needed someone on the inside) by texting her that I was delayed.  I turn on the cell phone and it immediately rings.  Not a minute later, not thirty seconds later.  The instant it powered up.  It's Nancy's mother.  She was just calling to say happy anniversary - because she knew I'd be alone, toasting it alone.  Well, funny you should bring it up Corinne - I'm in Houston.  I tell her the story of what I'm doing, and she starts crying.  I tell her the story of the morning struggles, trade an I Love You, and sign off. 
I get on the flight, turn on the iPod again, and over Thom Yorke, I hear the announcement "bla bla ring your cowbell at this time" or something to that effect.  I turn off the Personal Listening Device so as not to mess up the planes flaps or wipers or something.  And we're off.  I'll get to Cancun in a couple of hours, to Playa an hour after that, Coz an hour later.  I'll get there 5 hours late, but I'll get there.  Smile.
So as we're landing, the guy next to me asks me what time it is - I tell him it's just after 1 - he says are you sure?  I don't think they do daylight savings time.  Bonus!  I picked up an hour!  I'm only three hours behind!  He asks what I'm talking about and I explain about the missed connection.  What a coincidence.  He had overheard the woman across the aisle was talking about the same issue - only hers from a late Continental flight from Pittsburgh.  I lean around the guy and say, wanna share a cab?  Figuring to cut the 50 dollar fee.  She says sure, but it's 82 dollars!   Geez.  No matter - I'd have paid it alone if I hadn't found her and her husband.  They have to find a Continental rep and try to find their baggage - a weeks worth, and they had NOTHING - no carry-ons, nothing.  I said I'd meet them outside the terminal.  Anyway, long story short (zip it),  We find out that the bus outside the terminal will get us to Playa for 8 bucks!   Things are getting better and better!  An hour later, we're on the 5-ticket  Disney ride they call the ferry to Cozumel.  Half an hour later, I'm smiling, walking to my hotel...  And an hour after that (checking in, walking to the car rental place where paperwork is filled out on island time, searching for the flower shop that I was told was on 25 at 1 only it wasn't) I'm on my way.   So.  Now it's 4:00, I don't have the flowers, or the six-pack of Diet Sunkist I'd tried to bring along because my honey likes it and I thought it would be cute.  Didn't I mention that in Minneapolis I'd checked a backpack with only the Sunkist, the Sunday paper, and a pile of magazines for the girls?   I had no clue where that was.  Still plenty of time before dusk to get her south to the beach where we were married at sunset two years earlier. 
I made it to their resort, wondering what kind of James Bond Cary Grant line I could come up with for "Happy Anniversary.  Would you have dinner with me?"  I didn't need one.  Donna answered my knock, let me in, and I just said hello.  Nancy was sitting on the bed reading a magazine, staring - dumbfounded - at me.  Then Donna.  Then me.  Then tears as I hugged her. 
It was everything I'd hoped.  Dinner was wonderful - maybe if I have time, I'll tell you how we surprised Shelly and Carrie when I showed up at dinner and how they let out horror film screams when I asked if the empty seat at their table was taken.  The 18 hours I had with her were amazing - and the goodbye at the airport dreadful.  But that's another chapter to come.  As is the trip home. 

Be with us next time when our hero tells you of yelling at the Rude American Sow at the Cozumel Airport, who was bellering at the gate attendant because their plane wasn't ready yet.  "That's it!  Give it to her!  It's all her fault!"  I yelled.  Immediately embarrassed at having said it.  But there were plenty of laughs.  Nancy would have ran - embarrassed for the Sow and by my blurt. That's so not like me.  I was tired.

If you had one month to live, what five things would you do?
Suggested by Acerebel.

Man, that's a tough one. 

1.  Never leave Nancy's side
2.  Spend most of it traveling
3.  Tell everyone I love that I love them
4.  Then do it again
5.  Think of another 25 things.

Well, on the keyboard, anyway.  Long night - fighting a cold and sleeping like an awake person.
I was playing with Paint.net - or attempting to.  Getting nowhere.  But in one of the tutorial conversations I found a website called dafont.com.   Hundreds of fonts.  Being the savvy computer user, you may already know about it.
Check it out.  There are some hilarious fonts.  And as any kid with a new toy will do, I'm sure I'm going to be overusing the hell out of it and the annoyance-factor of my emails will rise...

1

Today is January 16th, 2008.  Today also marks the day that I ate the final piece of candied goodness that my wife Nancy baked/mixed/molded/shaped/cooked for the holidays.  I think I'll keep her.  She has a few pictures of her bounty on her page...

What are your irrational fears? 
Submitted by Dan Culhane.  

I nearly missed answering my own QOTD!  Fortunately, I have a wife that is more diligent about checking these things.

Here's the fear that prompted the question...
I cannot just reach out and grab an industrial door handle (public bathroom, building doors without windows, etc) without thinking someone is going to be barging in.  They're going to smash my fingers, I just know it.  So I always reach for the handle with my fingers somewhat curled, so when they DO barge in, the smashing won't happen.
Although, Nancy's fears are much 'better' - click the link on the word Wife. 

DPH

It's that time of year.  I can't wait to snuggle up with Nancy for the Annual Watching Of The Movie...
Here's the movie trailer....

What movie did you expect would be terrible, but was actually really good?

The Bridges of Madison County.   It was a 'best seller' forever, and I was not interested.   But the movie was  very well done.  As are all of  Clint Eastwood's movies...
Castaway was another.  The premise seemed  more like a  stunt.  A vanity  project for Tom Hanks.  Half filmed  with a  pudgy real-life Hanks, the remainder filmed about a year later after very many workouts  and very few big meals.  It's another of those movies that I can pick-up and watch anywhere along the story line.
And as for 'critically disclaimed' movies?  Remember how poorly advertised, and reviewed A Christmas Story was?  I'd read all of Jean Sheppard's writing - and loved every word.  So I went anyway.  And with this being pre-pre-internet - word of mouth didn't amount to much either at the time.